Banning Skirts - Britain's best idea so far.

The above outfits purport to be unisex, but they clearly are not. It's far too easy to tell the boys from the girls -- and vice versa. (video)

Banning Skirts - Britain's best idea so far.

UK Schools Are Banning Skirts in Favor of Gender Neutral Options

• A score of elementary schools in the U.K. are banning skirts from the dress code in an effort to make uniforms gender neutral so that transgender students feel included.
• At least 40 schools in the U.K. have mandated that girls can no longer wear skirts,

I thought a "score" was 20. Maybe they mean 20 elementary and another 20 of something else?  But nothing means anything anymore, and that's just as it should be. It's meaning that causes all the trouble in the world.

Where were these brilliant British problem solvers in the 50's when the girls in my high school were threatened with expulsion if we dared to wear slacks or jeans.  We would have loved to be able to "manspread" in total comfort and safety!

Were there no transgender kids in the 50's that we could have been a help to, while at the same time helping ourselves?  We girls suffered shame and embarrassment on a regular basis because of skirts. From kindergarten on up, if we weren't careful how we sat, or a wind came up, we could be utterly shamed by "I see England, I see France ...".

Unwritten rules decreed that we should remain vulnerable, although longer skirts did offer some protection.  Crinolines were a huge blessing in that they weren't easily displaced by the wind -- and they would balloon up into the most hilarious lifesavers if a girl fell out of a tipped canoe. Been there, done that, laughed hysterically.

But in the 60's we stopped caring whether or not our underpants were seen, though some of us did remain careful to bend at the knee rather than the hip, and to keep our legs together while sitting. High school itself should be banned for having caused a backlash from which there has been no significant return.

It's been suggested that the current slacks rule is misogynist, but there's no denying it's the most practical solution for young girls whose barely-there attire distracts young boys (and male teachers?) from the subject being taught.  Presumably female teachers  will have to wear slacks as well. It's only fair.

Ahhhhh, the light is dawning!  The reasons given for the skirt ban are a smokescreen, and have little to do with the sensibilities of transgenders. 

Still, there's residual good to be found in everything that society dictates even when it dictates the opposite of its former dictates. Not all prohibitions have turned out to have been wise, but no real harm is ever done ... maybe.

Take liquor, for instance. First it could be sold and drunk, then it couldn't be sold or drunk, and now it's in the supermarket and is ever so la-de-da.

And ball point pens, though verboten in high schools in the 50's, are now in every pocket as a backup to a keyboard failure.

We're living in a very Brave New World. A time when differences are respected only insomuch as a way can be found to neutralize them.  A sort of prelude to 1984, if you will:  “It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen” ...

If it's got to be done, t'were best t'were done thoroughly.  First, we need everyone to have only one colour of skin. That could be accomplished chemically, I'm sure. The obvious choice would be "white", of course -- not because it's better, but because skin colour is more easily removed chemically than produced.

Vitiligo sufferers can attest to that, and should have been given high honours long before now.  I was thinking maybe a knighthood, but that too will have to be abolished because it's sexist as all-get-out. Maybe, once complete neutrality has been achieved, everyone, old, young, even toddlers, could line up to be tapped with a sword and thereafter called "Sirmadam".

I'd certainly prefer to hear that from salesclerks instead of "hon" or "dear" which began the moment my hair turned white.  Talk about discrimination!

Moving on: All men will have to be clean shaven at all times, and all hair must be shaved off all heads, male and female. (The beauty of slacks is that women need not feel obligated to shave their legs.)

Breasts, of course, will need to be removed entirely, leaving only the nipples - or alternatively no breasts or nipples allowed on either sex. And before you ask, consider why God created infant formula in a can.

Besides, nipples have always belied the story of creation and caused many a pastor to stammer when reminded of it. Nipples are proof-positive that woman was created first and man is merely a useful knock-off, so to speak.

By the way, it will always be okay to believe in God as long as all "holy" books are destroyed (because quite frankly they just cause animosity among factions claiming to have the direct line to the Big Guy), and the name of "God" is never spoken, nor sung in anthems, nor symbolically worn on the body, nor suggested in any architecture, nor taught in any school or summer camp.

Instead of vive la difference, there must be one language world-wide, containing as few words as possible, so that only one all-encompassing idea can be promulgated.

Voice modulation might be a bit tricky, but not impossible. The question would only be whether to raise or lower it. I'm for lowering it, and before you get all steamed over what will happen to opera, the issue is moot because there will be no fat lady to sing.

Weight loss: not the challenge we imagine it to be. Anyone veering from the recommended avoirdupois can be locked in a box for as long as it takes.  Height, too, must be regulated as early as possible. That can probably be accomplished with hormone therapy of some sort. Hat, glove and shoe sizes, as well. These are projects that would begin at birth and be monitored throughout the life span.

Hey, they did it for the feet of Chinese women; they can do it for everybody.

If the weather were completely solved, everyone could go naked, thereby rendering void the pants decree. But since that would also necessitate some extremely complicated and expensive plastic surgery -- and there's already too much of that going on (and coming off) -- pants are looking better and better.

The British are a brilliant lot. And so humanitarian!  Rule Britannia!  And, thanks to G-d and Queen and Porton Down, there'll always be a Novichok with which to appear to disappear the different.

Image: Cookie Cutters - Everybody's a star, from birth to old age!